Living In Our Neighbours Service
					Club Number 066541 Charter Night: 4th October, 2002
		Out of the Mouths of Babes The following were answers provided by 6th graders during history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humour is in the misspelling. (Check the budding programmer in #6)  1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that  all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.  2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.  5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After  his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.  6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw Java.  7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus."  8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw.  9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah."  10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the  circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking.  11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper.  12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much  money and is amous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet.  13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.  14. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backward and declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand." Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead. 15. Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent. Lincoln's mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin, which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. They believe the assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor.This ruined Booth's career. 16. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which  he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and half English. He was very large. 17. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was  calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.  18. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits. Charles  Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie  discovered the radio. Karl Marx became one of the Marx Brothers. These are very funny - even if you don't have kidlets!! Marriage Counselling 101 - Things kids say. How do you decide who to marry? You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports she should like it that you like sports, & she should keep the chips and dip coming. * Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. * Kirsten, age 10 What is the right age to get married? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. * Camille, age 10 No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. * Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age) How can a stranger tell if two people are married? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. * Derrick, age 8 What do you think your Mom and Dad have in common? Both don't want any more kids. * Lori, age 8 What do most people do on a date? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. * Lynnette age 8 (Isn't she a treasure) On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. * Martin, age 10 What would you do on a first date that was turning sour? I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. * Craig, age 9 When is it okay to kiss someone? When they're rich. * Pam, age 7 The law says you have to be 18, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7 The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. * Howard, age 8 Is it better to be single or married? I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. * Theodore, age 8 It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. * Anita, age 9 (Bless you child) How would the world be different if people didn't get married? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? * Kelvin, age 8 And the #1 Favourite is........" How would you make a marriage work? Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. * Ricky age 10